Let’s Play Doctor.

You won’t feel a thing. Well, perhaps a stirring in your loins as you watch these two clips. Both clips offer the best of the medical videos: the exploration, the hospital bed, the vulnerability of the patient. Let’s have a look:

This first video, titled Coma Ward and starring pixied cutie Gauge is an old favorite of mine. I remember it from many years ago from a site that is long gone. As far as porn clips go, Coma Ward is incredibly well done: with different sets, a lot of lines, and a somewhat believable premise. Gauge plays a comatose patient (we are even treated to a defenition of the word coma before the clip starts. There is a film student at work somewhere here, people!) who has her stimulus response checked by a devoted blonde nurse and a sleazy, alcoholic doctor trying to get his license back. Gauge is amazing at keeping herself still while her co-stars lick, fondle, and eventually fuck her. However, and I won’t tell you where, there is a point where you can see her move a little bit. But, for the most part, she stays true to her character.

And that’s what really impressed me with this clip. The acting wasn’t terrible, this could easily be a movie on Skinemax.

The second video is slated to enter the Carnal Knowledge Smut Hall of Fame, or at least, my little corner of it. While poking around fantasti.cc for other doctor videos, I was drawn to the still image of this video. It’s very brief, from Boob Exam Scam, which from my skimming of their website, is a nothing special porno site based on the premise that all of these women have diseases that can only be cured with sex.  The clip is titled Eaten Out At Boob Exam. It should be titled: 3 minutes and 30 seconds of non stop hot.

Perhaps these actors had slept together before off camera or perhaps they’re in a relationship or maybe they just have a crazy amount of sexual tension, but to see this level of genuine heat coming through is so rare in the cold and faceless world of Internet porn.  There is so much here: the whispering on his part, the breathing (made even better by the lack of music), the writhing around, the slow, deliberate movements of his hands, the way she leans into him as she closes her eyes: it’s almost..romantic. They kiss like normal people, not the tongue only kisses of the porn world. She is reduced to a mere puddle, where breaths and moans equal words.  Unfortunately, we are only treated to a small sliver of this film, and somewhere out there is the rest.

More doctor videos on the way but Miss Luna is turning into a pumpkin.Till next time…

Men seldom make passes at girls in glasses…

I would like to thank Dorothy Parker for helping me come up with the title of this post (and of course my co-blogger, who had the idea originally and from whom I happily stole it), but I’d like to think that maybe this has changed a bit since she said these words. Well, maybe not. Maybe men don’t make passes at the girls in glasses as much still, but they certainly fetishize them a good deal more, don’t they?

Case in point:

Governor Sarah Palin, running for Vice President. (Although she kind of kills the fetish because you know she’s not that bright.)

I seriously doubt that Tina Fey needs an introduction, especially in this context.

Lindsay Lohan in glasses, effectively turning up my love for girls in glasses and redheads to the nth degree.

Similarily, a random girl from the internetz who’s exploding my love for girls in glasses and girls in ridiculously colorful striped socks.

Leighton Meester, star of and probably the best thing about Gossip Girl.

Relatively still new-ish singer/songwriter Ingrid Michaelson.

Jinkies! Velma, from Scooby Doo, here lucsciously played by Linda Cardellini. “My glasses! I can’t see without my glasses!” (Sorry, had to do it.)

Thora Birch in Ghost World.

And this post wouldn’t be nearly complete without mentioning Lisa Loeb, who probably re-popularized glasses for cute young women in the 90s. Am I right?

Yes. Yes, I am. Which leads me to today’s clip, which is simply called “Blowjob With Glasses,” unfortunately limiting the star of it to her most simplest ingredients. The video itself is so so: A skeezy looking guy forcefully convinces a cute girl in a yellow dress with glasses to get down on her knees and suck his cock. Eventually a woman who is probably his girlfriend sashays over to enjoy watching this, then retires to the couch to rub herself while watching the cute bespectacled girl finish sucking the guy off.

The very simplicity is what makes me enjoy this video so much, and keeps me coming back to it. That, and the girl with glasses’ voice absolutely does not match her intense cuteness. It sadly places her not just in the cute girl with glasses category, but makes her come off as a bit of a nerd, too. But that’s not really something I have a problem with.

Now, my co-blogger will definitely tell you that when you’re lucky enough to get a cute girl with glasses back to your room and you’re stripping down to do the act, don’t make her keep the glasses on. Not if she doesn’t want to. If you’re interesting in nakedness and intimacy, don’t leave that wall between you. Don’t make her be an object during sex.

There’s several other clips out there of girls in glasses, but none of them speak to me in the way today’s clip of the day does, I’m afraid, even though there’s nothing wrong with some of them. This young woman here is incredibly adorable… once you get past a mouth full of teeth that could almost be described as British. And Eva Angelina has definitely locked herself firmly in the glasses-wearing niche, hasn’t she? Good for her. One has to assume that the girl in glasses fetish was spawned out of the librarian fetish, which… Well, I like it more than other fetishes, let me just say that. If you’re going to reduce a woman down to a single component rather than taking her in as a whole person, it’s probably better that that single component is that she may seem smart or a bit nerdy rather than her having a great big ass, or being pregnant, or being Asian.

While googling “girl in glasses” I came across a page from the World Of Warcraft forums talking about lasik surgery. I don’t know if it’s relevant, honestly, but it’s too weird for me not to mention. That and a blog specifically dedicated to the girls with glasses and a blog written by a smart girl who just happens to wear glasses. And more celebrities in glasses! But while looking at all of that, you really you have to ask yourself: What do glasses say about the person?

Well, that’s probably enough for now. But just remember this: The next time you see that impossibly cute girl in glasses all by herself in the corner, don’t stare. Why? Because she’s sitting there thinking to herself…

I CAN SEE YOU!

Porn stars and stripes.

No, no, no, this won’t be a political post…

In fact, at this point, if you don’t already know you’re going to vote for in this election, then we hear at Carnal Knowledge are just going to assume that you’re in a coma. In which case, you’re not reading this, so we really don’t care.

But instead, I want to talk about this video right here, entitled simply “Christina Jolie,” and featuring a woman listed as Christina Jolie. She’s a Czech actress with a Pegasus tat on her left shoulder (as this site with a filmography is happy to tell us), and has ginormous breasts. Typically I’m not a breast man, being much more of a legs man, but her breasts are incredibly lovely. In the video she’s extremely cute and seems playful and fun. I’m honestly surprised how much I do like this video considering I don’t usually like the videos or performers from the former Soviet Union (this is my feeling of what a typical day in that region looks and feels like), but in this video, I make a happy exception for Christina Jolie. I also especially highlight her in the video linked above because in this clip that’s quaintly entitled “Christina Jolie Enjoys Riding A Cock” she’s much more made up with heavy gobs of make up and everything seems colder and more distant as porn too easily gets.

And that’s what makes today’s highlighted video and I think says much of the potential of Christina Jolie’s future star power: The cute playfulness. When you watch her, you can’t help but notice her as a sexual being, but there’s a wonderful sense of fun there no matter how boring her male co-star seems to be (much like how my co-blogger has to deal with me), like maybe after she’s had a shower, you’d like to just hang out with her. Plus, this video, which consists of lots of riding and hard fucking, lots of images of Jolie’s gorgeous bouncing breasts, and lots of changing positions and fucking in different places in a small area reminds me of the Severina video, only pushed to a more extreme cartoon-ness. Not that I’m complaining.

Also, I have to say I have a minor obsession with the striped socks she wears in the clip. They’re black and white, the black matching the darkness of her hair perfectly, and the white super bright compared to the bed she’s fucked on briefly and the walls surrounding her. It was one of those things that I just found my eyes drifting towards constantly, especially towards the end. Is it me or is this slowly becoming one of those new fetish items in porn, similar to girls in glasses (which you’ll hear us talk about more soon, I’m sure)? Again, not that I’m complaining. I’m just wondering where the origins of this lay. Is it just something each actress happened to be wearing that day and the director (or who and whatever really call the shots in today’s world of icky internet porn) liked. (Is there a wardrobe person on set in any capacity with this amateur looking porn?) Is it meant to project an air of youth in a kind of kawaii or lolicon sort of way? A stab at some kind of orginal twee haute couture? Or is just one of those slowly catching up viral memes?

Or maybe the fashion of Rainbow Brite is gearing itself up for a comeback of sorts?

Who knows. But whatever it is, consider me titillated.

I should also mention briefly: Kicesie on youtube, who may not be that well known herself, but the image of her hanging out in adorable striped socks while she probes the internet about the greatest sex it’s ever had has become well known. It was even referenced in that last Weezer video, the one that starred a lot of the familiar faces of Youtube.

Of course, now that I think of the title of this post, I’m starting to think about whether or not we should do a future post on patriotic porn. Hmm…

But until then, I just wanted to share Christina Jolie with you. I could very well see her becoming a much bigger star in the world of free online video clips. But for now, you can enjoy her blog.

Just don’t forget: America? Land of the stars and stripes? We fucking love you. Sometimes you’re a dirty bitch. And stupid, too. But you’re our dirty, stupid bitch. And we’re yours.

hey, boo!

We here at Carnal Knowledge are working on some awesome posts for you, but in the meantime, please add us on our Tumblr, which gets updated with lovely photos (and once in a while, a wise crack from myself and my partner in porn crime) every single day — that’s right, daily posting!

If you’ve found us while looking for smut on WordPress, congrats. You’ve made it. We hope you stay a while.

Oh yes, it’s ladies night.

Porn certainly isn’t for women, and it isn’t really about women, it’s mostly about how men see them. Every situation in porn leads to sex and women exist in the porn world as FOR men, even when acknowledging their own desire; even the term: “fuck me”, implies passiveness, of a desire to have something DONE rather than to do something.

And even as a smut loving, sex loving, dirty girl, the male gaze, well..let’s just say I tire of it at times. There’s been lots of efforts made by other smut loving, sex loving women to make ladies more comfortable with porn (and really, with their own sexuality in general), so as a lover of non-artsy/amateur/gonzo stuff, I thought I’d take a look at the stuff that’s made for me in mind.

My first thought was sexpert Tristan Toarmino, a NYC based writer who makes instructional videos. She’s so good at it that porn kings Vivid Entertainment (the folks responsible for bringing you Miss Jenna Jameson) started her own line, Vivid Ed (to me, this name sounds way too much like “erectile dysfunction, but if the shoe fits…). Free clips of her films are hard to find, but I was able to dig up this sexy (and educational!) clip from her Guide to Fellatio. She is also well known for her book, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women.

So, you want to cup the balls very gently, like so..

Interesting tidbit, according to Wikipedia, Tristan is the niece of author Thomas Pynchon, author of the long ass book Gravity’s Rainbow, a book that has tortured both of the authors of this site.

Nina Hartley is one of my absolute favorite porn stars. She’s the ultimate MILF: busty, shopping mall blonde, the kind of woman who would fuck you senseless and then make sure you had a sweater on before you left her house. Best of all, she loves sex and it’s very apparent in her films. Like Tristan, Nina is also about educating us, she has a succesful line of “how-to” videos, including the often ignored pregnant lady demographic. One video I anticipate checking out is Nina Hartley’s Guide to Younger Men & Older Women.

nina likes to party in the club, too. also check out that six pack!

Unlike Tristan, Nina still performs in films. One of my favorite clips of her is in this one, from a Younger Women, Older MILF videos, in which Nina welcomes her new daughter in law into the family. If you have a son, Nina, please tell him to call me. I am available for marriage. And for sex with you on the kitchen counter.

Outside of the realm of edu-porn, there doesn’t seem to be much activity in the female porn director world. There’s Candida Royalle and Veronica Hart both 70s porn stars turned into porn for women makers. For “mainstream”, silicone fueled porn, Jill Kelly is another starlet who’s decided to make her own films. I found this fun clip from the aptly titled, “Women In Control“, in which Officer Jill finds a concealed weapon and proceeds to use it.  I find that Jill bears a striking resemblance to Deputy Johnson from Reno 911!

you're under arrest for being too sexy.

I guess the problem with “porn for women” is that there always has to be a reason, where porn for men doesn’t have to deal with that, porn just exists, just like sometimes you have sex and it doesn’t exist for any other reason. I go to a site like Kara’s Links, which is a site that is a portal for women-friendly smut and am utterly turned off by the pictures of topless men, which to me, seem more appropriate for gay men (a whole other post for another time!).  I am turned on by crazy, leave you sore for days, kind of sex, raw and in its own way, intimate in its anonymity. It’s messy, and it’s sweaty and it’s for lack of a better term, dirty and insidious and crawls under your skin (or under your pants as the case may be).

So, ladies, watch what you like, whether it’s soft, sensual, she-comes-first “erotica” or hardcore money shot, fuck you up against the wall hardcore. Lord knows, we ain’t here to judge. And besides, it’s Friday night, the feeling is right (oh, what a night):

Love on the rocks.

Before I even begin talking about today’s clip, I just want to throw out there that should someone want to give me some money to go off on a little Greek vacation and shoot a porno remake of Michelangelo Antonioni’s brilliant and beautiful L’Avventura, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

But until somebody does, I give you this clip, affectionately titled “Assfuck On The Cliffs.” And from that title, l can assure you that you get basically what it advertises there.

…and so much more. If you were to show this clip in black and white, and with a more attractive female lead, you could easily pass this off in style as the almost existential classic cinema of Italy or even as a possible entry into the French New Wave category. The woman in this clip reminds me of a trashier Monica Vitti, the star of L’Avventura, and you have to marvel at the way the camera melodramatically wafts over her body at the start. She gives us a breathy come hither look in the first few seconds as the golden waves move against the rocks behind her and in what almost passes as the height of cinema seduction, she reveals one of her breasts to us. She caresses it and her fingers then move over and around her clit, and then moves to her knees in front of her lover’s cock and moans an invitation that almost says, “Fuck me in front of the ocean.”

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Criterion Classic of Youporn clips here. Not everyone will appreciate it or enjoy it or even get it, but just having it, and just having viewed it, will make you feel instantly smarter and snootier. And maybe, just maybe, you might get off to it as well.

(You’ll notice that I especially tie it more to L’Avventura, which is a favorite of mine, and not as much to something like From Here To Eternity. This clip is no From Here To Eternity.)

Extra special points to this bizarre near-masterpiece for it’s near climax at the end: The lovers have actually moved ankle-deep into the water, the woman clinging to the rocks as the man pounds into her from behind, and the camera pushes in on her moaning face as she takes every thrust, propelling her closer and closer to an orgasm as powerful as the waves crashing around her.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not nearly as erotic as the video for “Wicked Game” even, but I admire the fact that for what is probably a amateur production (but quite possibly not), it’s ambitious as hell.

Also, while doing a very quick search to find more links to the same video for you lovely people (in case the above one fails at some point), I found instead a much weaker batch of clips set near the ocean (in those crashing waves), the beach, the rocks, or the cliffs. None of them contain the stabs towards high art that the main video of this post does, but such is the way of the tide…

The Mark Of Gilgamesh, or: Blazing Saddles!

Today, oh lucky viewer, I bring to you one of my very favorite clips…

It’s simple and sweet in it’s nature, but it touches upon two of the things I love most in this beautiful world: Redheads and British girls.

And, what makes this gorgeous clip even more wondrous is that it’s not polluted by any distractions (mostly). It’s just a lovely young flame haired British woman enjoying herself on a sybian. And the sybian itself, as essentially a narrative device in porn clips is perfect: It’s all slow build up, revealing so much drama and a medley of emotions on your lead’s face, the pleasure and the pain and every wonderfully erotic flinch in between, before the explosive climax. And it’s so fascinating to watch a woman as she’s on the sybian, not just her face as a canvas for what she’s feeling inside, but where her hands go, where she touches herself, where she wants to touch herself, what she grabs onto when she needs support as electric waves of pleasure surge through her.

I first came across this video (here mislabeled as a brunette, which is another examples of the internet trying to shatter my happy allusions) probably two to three years ago and instantly fell in love with this girl, and that’s something the best of clips do for you. It amazed me that I grew to love it as much as I did, especially since it is just so simplistic, but to me, I guess that’s the charm. Also, it checks off my redheads and British girls box (This particular link to the video labels the young woman as Russian, which you could probably make the argument for due to how her accent sounds in certain parts, but I would still argue for her sexy British-ness).

After the woman finishes, she leans forward, breathing so heavily and recovering from her powerful orgasm. She’s having a hard time forming words and as she recomposes herself, the cameraman lucky enough to be filming this moves forward and turns his lens towards her wet pussy. He makes a comment about the very visible output of her orgasm and she looks back at him, defensive for a moment, assuming his comment is sarcastic. It’s a rare moment of fierceness, protectiveness of one’s own intimate corners and satisfactions and I have to say, I find it as attractive or quite possibly more so than anything that preceded it in this clip.

Despite how little I’ve said so far, I assure you I could talk forever about this clip alone. But now’s the time when I let you go enjoy it yourself…

But before I go, I’ll leave you with two posts from a blog that is a favorite of both Miss Chuleria and myself. The first, dealing with gingers, is written by one of our favorite red headed bloggers, and the second, about porn star Sasha Grey, is written by one of our favorite non-red headed bloggers. Both are excellent.

Hot and fresh from the kitchen…

I just want to start this post off telling you how I really wanted to share with you a specific video, a wonderfully hot little blowjob video, and that I spent a good chunk of the last two days laboring to find it. Laboring in hot, sexy filth, mind you, but still, laboring.

And yet I still couldn’t find it. It’s very sad, the transitory nature of the internet, and especially free pornography on the internet…

But in the meanwhile, I’ll share this video with you, mostly because it’s a nice, hot little number, but also because it’s everywhere. If one link disappears, you can still find it in 20 other places to take a few moments out of your day and enjoy.

Alright, enough talk! Today’s video is a nice little amateur video that starts with a young woman drying some dishes in a kitchen. A guy comes up behind her, probably her boyfriend or her husband, but who knows, maybe he’s the mayor, and wraps his arms around her and begins to kiss her neck and rub her between her legs and then turn her around to face him as he pulls his cock out. The universal signal of any man who wants to inform his partner that he’s in a mating kind of mood.

What follows is some delightful fucking and let me just ask you: Is there anything hotter than watching someone get fucked over a counter? Well… probably, but still, it’s hot.

The above link to the video is the longest version I’ve seen of it, but there’s plenty of shorter cuts just about everywhere online. And with each different version, you get a nice idea of what different people around the internet find hottest about the same scene.

I’d love to make a joke about being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, but with porn… I’m sure there’s about 40 million videos out there of barefoot pregnant woman engaging in sex acts that are less than… culinary. I just haven’t looked for them. Yet. Instead I give you a few other kitchen scenes of all different shapes and sizes. And this one involves a refrigerator. And this one, the laundry room, which I guess could be near the kitchen. Do they have nude or sexual cooking shows? Cause they really should. And with amazing soundtracks, too. And Spanish language versions too: La Cocina!

And there we have it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go make myself a sandwich, but I’ll leave you with a few non kitchen related bonuses:

This lovely young woman will gladly explain to you that there is a difference between doing pornography and being a hoochie mama or a slut. Also, she’ll masturbate for you.

And though I do find this girl just a little sexy, is she not a textbook example of a stuck up bitch?

Turn Offs

I really like Fantasti.cc, the video sharing site not only because it lets me look through multiple sites at once, it also lets me create a list of the videos I like and don’t like, so I can go back to old favorites, if I need to. But,  in looking at my lists, I realized I had no idea why I had marked certain videos as turning me off. Let’s find out why. 

1. Boy film girl masturbating -  Yes, that is the title they gave it. People who publish porn aren’t known for their clever wordplay, I guess. First of all, where is she? A dorm? There’s all these empty twin beds everywhere. Second of all, while the girl is lovely and very happy to be there, for a lot of the video, it’s just close ups of her pussy, one of my biggest pet peeves in porn. Pussies are beautiful, we can all agree, but I want to see her writhing around, her moving, her breasts, her facial expression. I don’t want a close up of a vibrator. Watching it again however, makes me like it a little more. It’s not that bad. 
2. This video is of course, labeled incest. I’m starting to think every porn video of all time is labeled incest at one point or another. In any case, this video is terrible not only because it has no sound (probably because it’s so old) and also because, the man in the video looks like he doesn’t want to be there. At the beginning of the video, when he is getting sucked off, he is staring off into space, maybe looking at that hideous wallpaper, perhaps? 
3. Lord knows I love a big booty (including my own) but this video, titled BBW Threesome, just doesn’t do it for me. Watching someone awkwardly take the thong out of their butt for the first few seconds just kills my girlboner. Probably because as a woman with a healthy posterior, I can safely say that you should never, ever wear a thong and stick to the trusty boyshorts. This video is also everywhere, I’ve seen it posted on so many sites and I am so sick of it. 

It can be difficult to define exactly what you think is sexy and what isn’t, I should like all of the above videos but I don’t get the warm and fuzzy feeling, I don’t get anything, i just want to switch them off. As for what’s turning me on these days, for that, you’ll have to come back…

The First Lady of Croatia welcomes you aboard the Love Boat!

For my first post, I wanted to talk about an old favorite of mine. I first discovered this beauty about a year or maybe two ago, and due to the take and pass along with poor labeling nature of the internet, I had no idea what exactly was on my hands…

The video, which is just under 12 minutes in length, is just a couple in bed in the cabin of a boat, and enjoying each other immensely. The girl is petite and gorgeous (with a kind of Rachael Leigh Cook thing going on, which I adore), and flexible, and they enjoy a variety of positions. It screams of amateur through and through, but good amateur. Hot amateur, which is not something you always get.

Oh, and they enjoy some champagne too. You gotta have champagne.

Now, like I said, thanks to the poor labeling that you can get via the internet, I’ve seen this video posted on various sites hundreds of times, and always listed or titled differently. Once it was claimed that they were in a cabin on a train (get serious) and once in an airplane (huh?). I’ve heard this clip called incest (whatever) and I’ve seen it labeled as bad student getting taught an education from her naughty teacher. With champagne, apparently.

But not long ago, I saw it online and I was in the mood for a little release, and figured I’d go back to this old favorite. But this time it had a different title: Severina Hardcore. Severina, being the girl, I assumed, and what an interesting name that is, I thought. So I did a little rudimentary investigating (i.e. the Wikipedia) and found this page for the Croatian singer and actress Severina Vuckovic. And if you look at the picture on that page and compare it with the girl in the video… it’s the same girl.

Apparently this sex tape caused quite a bit of controversy (as well as being very interesting as far as a matter of international digital privacy gone wrong, or right) for the lovely Severina at the time, especially since she a very vocally devout Catholic and a spokesperson of sorts of abstinence. And also because the man in the video is not her husband of the time. Since then, Wikipedia tells me that the scandal has died down and she’s used this video as a platform to broaden her public image into a much sexier one which has given her career a nice little boost. Good, because after watching this clip, I guarantee you that she deserves it.

Also, notice the nice little bit of breaking the fourth wall, if there is such a thing in porn anymore, where she smiles and waves at the camera right before the guy starts pounding into her from behind. If that doesn’t brighten your day and your orgasm, then I don’t know what will.

Oh, and a bit of a side note/future reference: If you can get off to something like this, then maybe this site isn’t for you.

So until next time… Tag your videos right, people!