It’s about nothing.

We’ve written about the lovely Ashlynn Brooke here before but I’m sad to have just discovered that she’s a staple in the ridiculous porn parodies that’ve been out there. I guess I’m not really against the idea of pornographic parodies of normal creative properties, but they’re not even remotely funny, it seems. The latest one she’s in is literally just called Seinfeld – An XXX Parody.

A porno about nothing? Yeah, I hope so, but I’m not expecting any deepness from this other than, well, how deep the cocks go? Ehhh. But the Seinfeld parody joins a long roster of others, sending up The Office, 30 Rock, and even mediocre fare such as Scrubs.

Ashlynn Brooke as the Jane Krakowski character from 30 Rock in the porn parody.

And you have to admit that the porn parody version of The Office looks interesting, right? And talk about an all star cast.

Oh, Ashlynn Brooke, I want to tell you that you’re so much better than appearing in shit like this, but truth be told, if presented with the opportunity, I’d watch this shit. Fuck yeah, I’d watch it.

The Ivory Snow Girl

Porn legend Marilyn Chambers was found dead in her home in Southern California today. She was one of the first porn stars I can remember watching and knowing through her soft core movies that were shown on Cinemax. I thought we could pay tribute to her today.

Behind The Green Door was Marilyn’s third and her most famous film. Prior to that, she did two films and was a spokesmodel for Proctor and Gamble products; most famously Ivory Snow soap. When she moved to San Francisco, she auditioned for the Mitchell brothers and the rest is history. The film is about a woman who gets abducted into a sex theater and forced to have sex with multiple men for the enjoyment of an audience. When asked how she felt about filming Behind The Green Door at the tender age of nineteen, Marilyn said she was “as nervous as a whore in church.”

Compared to the porn starlets of today, who flood the market with multiple films and Internet appearances, Marilyn made very few films during her heyday. She has 34 film credits on IMDB which spans two decades. Compare that to Jenna Jameson, who has a much longer resume spanning a much shorter time period. Her second best known film is Insatiable.

After taking a break from porn, Marilyn came back in the dreaded “hot older woman” role. But, like her contemporary Nina Hartley, Marilyn had no problem being what we now call a “cougar.” She says, in an interview she gave in 1999:

“I think that a beautiful, sexy older woman is needed. I’m not saying that’s what I am, but if I can bring any kind of portrayal of an older woman who enjoys sex, then I am proud to do so. Maybe I can even help expand the screen life past twenty five. That’s one of the problems with this business. It is scary because usually past age thirty, that’s it. I’ve been very fortunate to have a long career. Having only done six feature adult films in my whole career, I haven’t really over exposed myself. People know who I am because of the other things I have done,. I am constantly doing a lot of publicity and appearing here and there. Still, I am best known for my adult films which makes me very happy because obviously they have been done very well. I think that’s an important factor. If you totally inundate the market with yourself, people will get tired of seeing you. How many movies can you make? How many positions can you be in?”

Marilyn has said that her favorite scene she’s ever done is the pool table scene from Insatiable. It’s rough, sexy and exudes a real passion you just don’t see in modern flicks. Marilyn was a legend for a reason. The combination of beauty and real enthusiasm is a hard one to capture and “it”, whatever “it” is, Marilyn had it. What’s saddest about Marilyn’s story is how resistant mainstream Hollywood was to accepting her. She talks of being black balled in Hollywood after producers were hesitant to work with a porn star. Check out the following interview done in 1977 where she talks about attempting to transition. She’s so sweet, soft spoken and beautiful in this clip, taken from a New York City public access show:

It makes me sad to think of what could have been if Marilyn had been a star now. The truth is, the days of actress like Marilyn Chambers is totally gone. It wouldn’t be feasible for an actress to only do 6 films or to do such (relatively) tame work. It also gives a nostalgia for a past era, perhaps one that never actually existed, of sexual freedom. Behind The Green Door is so compelling because in the end, isn’t that all our fantasies are about: being in a place where anything is possible?

“It’s impossible, it really is. I have done some R rated stuff, late night crap on USA and Cinemax. I mean, it’s fine, it’s good money, but it’s nothing that I consider acting. You can do that stuff with your eyes shut. I would like to do something that takes some actual acting ability. It seems that every time I play a part I am playing myself. I have been offered a lot of stuff that ends up jinxed or turned down because the producer’s wife got pissed off or some famous actor wouldn’t work with me because I did porno films or whatever. A lot of them are afraid because I’m more famous than they are. So, I kind of got the idea that it was never going to happen about ten years ago. I figured I might as well enjoy what I have and not be bitter over what I don’t. I’ve been very happy that my career has gone on as long as it has. If I can go another three years, I’ll be very happy.”

A touch of Grey.

Here’s the poster for the new film by Steven Soderbergh, The Girlfriend Experience, which stars the lovely and talented Sasha Grey:

I really dig that poster. And I’m actually quite a huge Soderbergh fan, so I’d probably be looking forward to this no matter what it was, pretty much, but I’m fascinated by Sasha Grey’s transition (one hopes) from an actress in adult cinema to an actress in mainstream films, or at least films made by filmmakers like Soderbergh.

Sasha Grey, birthday girl.

Of course, on the down side, she’s playing a prostitute (presumably giving someone the girlfriend experience), so there might not be quite the mainstream credibility she could potentially deserve, but it should be interesting either way, right?

Sasha celebrating her 21st (she’s only 21!) birthday recently with what is quite possibly her boyfriend, Billy Corgan.

You can follow Sasha’s twitter, which has some very interesting stuff on it, including this:

…And here’s her now infamous American Apparel ad for one of my favorite blogs, The Reverse Cowgirl:

I thin it’s safe to say that we’re fans of Sasha here at CK, not just becase she’s amazing at what she does, but because she’s a success-minded young woman on an interesting path in her career and has made it clear time and time again that she doesn’t plan on solely being what you expect of her.

Thank God I found an angle like you.

The other day as I was leaving work I encountered a note that someone had typed up and left laying about, fallen to the ground as they were rushing about. It said:

“I believe in miracles and higher powers. I believe that we all have someone watching over us, watching everything we do. I believe we all have angles, and I think that you’re one. And I thank God that I found an angle like you.”

How sad that it made me think of porn, right?

Never mind just the watching part, because it’s all about watching (though sound plays a big part in things as well), but it’s all about angles.

Though you might also call it framing.

Or blocking.

Or just plain God-given flexibility.

One of the clips, I stole some of these images from, “Sexy Teen Loves Cock,” is hot. The girl is cute, flexible, and it’s just fun and sexy. The other clip, “Pretty young babe Faye Reagan gets fucked,” is also hot, but I really hate the guy in it. And it’s not as fun. The guy comes off as increasingly sleazy, a little too prone to throw out the “dirty slut” name calling. Granted, I’ve been around the block – and make no mistake here, because Sin Titulo is a dirty, dirty man – and I know that in the heat of filthy passion, things sometimes go that way, but I look at this dirtbag and I have to wonder why he isn’t saying to this young woman: “Thank God I found an angle like you.” But, you know, nicer.

The blarney stone.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Today’s a day for a universal bonding between all people in that whether you’re Irish or not, today we all drink like we are!

Luna and I wish we had more to say tonight, but she’s still off being all professional as hell and me… well, I’m staying in tonight and drinking like a professional. But we haven’t forgotten about you, nooooo sir. Today I share with you not a great clip, but a topical and season one: “Faye Reagan – St. Patrick’s Parade in her pussy!” Now, doesn’t that sound like fun?

As you can see from the above screencap… Yes. Yes, it does. We hope you enjoy it and more importantly, we hope you have a fun, safe night, but mostly fun. And we’ll see you very soon.

The Big Game.

Wait, isn’t there some kind of huge football game happening today?

Luna and I aren’t the biggest football fans, but in honor of the big game today, I’m going to celebrate it the best way I know how:

“Football Team Gangbangs Chick!“

and

“Football Busty Sluts Eat Cock!“

and, of course, a massive football players and cheerleaders orgy. That kicks the ass of any halftime special right there.

Anyway, enjoy the Super Bowl and we’ll see you in the locker room afterward!

Laundry day!

For most people, laundry day is the same day each week, right? For me, it’s Sunday night. It’s the dreaded chore before the dreaded work week starts anew…

Thank God for porn, right?

“Hooray for Laundry Day” sums it all up right there. This is one of the hottest clips I’ve seen on the internet, and I’m just sat the version I’ve found for you here is such low quality. Keep your eye out for a better version of it. It’s hot.

“Holly West Fucked In The Laundry Room” is almost just as hot for me, to be honest. It’s just two good looking people having sex and enjoying themselves and what could be better than that?

“Sex At Laundry Room” is a classic Heather Brooks clip, and if you’ve ever seen one of her videos before, then… well, it’s the same as all of them. Only in a laundry room.

“2 College Girls In Basement Doing Laundry” is a classic for the voyeurs and hidden camera set.

And last, but not least, I give you “Laundry Room Fuck,” a nice little clip about two people just trying to fuck and maybe also shoot some porn, but people keep walking in. Towards the end, the camera can’t help but catch one guy just lingering in the hallway outside the laundry room, watching and stroking his cock as the couple have sex. I guess, in that regard, he’s kind of the proxy for the audience, huh?

Lay your hands on me.

Warning: Today’s post comes with a happy ending!

Ha ha!

I wanted to talk about the laying of hands today, something that’s usually seen in ridiculous religious ceremonies or in possibly even more ridiculous spiritual practices like reiki, but a lot of my search results, no joke, kept going back to just massages. I guess that’s just how the internet works? I say: “The Divine Touch” or the laying of hands? The internet responds with: Dirty sexy masseuse and happy endings. Well, fine. I’m just not gonna argue with you, world wide web. I’m just going to enjoy the erotic thaumaturgy.

So today, we’re going to share a few massage clips. And I can already tell you that there could be a sequel or two to this post because when you to just about any site and do a search for “massage” or any variation, you get inundated with only about a thousand or so hits. There’s a lot of rubdown smut out there.

Our first clip is entitled “Stephanie 18 POV” and is hot. It consists entirely of the lovely young Stephanie (see above) showing up to get a massage, enjoying some sensual touching, and then doing a little sensual touching of her own on the guy giving her the massage. Stephanie has a beautiful runner’s body and the clip is incredibly fun and sexy. Not lost in this clip though is a sense of sensuality and what I interpret to be Stephanie’s arousal at her masseuse’s arousal inspired by her. We really see in a very brief form how erotic the laying of hands upon one’s body can be, the initial not sexual touching, and the pleasure that springs from it that can ignite your loins.

Our next clip is called “A massage that turns into a blowjob and fuck.” Porn likes to tell you exactly what you’re getting and I like that. This clip consists of a guy showing up to a somewhat less than professional massage parlor, undressing and getting on the table, enjoying about 30 seconds of a massage, and then being happily taken advantage of by his masseuse who seems to take a great deal of pride in her work. To me, this clip isn’t very exciting and is really just more… rote. But the conversation between Wally, the guy getting the massage, and the masseuse, Betty, is just kind of hilariously sad. Especially when Wally tells Betty (see above) that he makes a living through recycling and panhandling. That and “I’ve heard good things about this place,” Wally tells Betty. “All my friends told me I should come by.” Uh huh.

Our next two clips are “Black masseuse hot sex with customer” and “Different masseuse gives the same ‘service,’” both of which take place in the same room as the previous clip, one with the same girl (see above), only with different hair, and the other with a different girl (see below). The first of those clips is fairly hot, partly because of the flexibility of the masseuse and partly because of the theatrical enthusiasm and excitement she seems to get at watching these schlubby losers get naked for her. The second clip’s a little less interesting because the girl is a little less exciting, but it is fascinating because the guy (who may be the same in both of these clips, actually) is such a dirty scum bag. He’s freaked out when he first shows up, scared because he’s got a different girl this time and paranoid she won’t give him the “full service.” And then he wonders if he can get a group discount for the guys from his Bible study group…

And our last clip for the night is actually a bit of a special treat: part one (of two) of Taboo 2 , a nice vintage 70s porno about, well, a lot of incest, but also other things that were considered “taboo” back in the 1970s. It’s fun and hot and other than that, I won’t say much more because I’m sure Luna could cover it in a much better way than me. I’ll just say that I love how it starts and there’s a lesbian massage scene about five minutes in. Enjoy!

“You fucked your son Paul!?”

Stocking stuffers.

Santa, baby, slip a sable under the tree…

Well, we’re getting closer and closer to Christmas and you’ll notice that any store you go to now is already trying to push you their Christmas shit. This includes the world of porn.

“Female Santa Claus Assfucked.” See what I mean? It’s happening already. I want to make a joke about something popping down her chimney, but it’s just not coming to me. The clip itself is decent, a fairly nice looking blonde girl dressed in sexy Santa garb playing with herself before the guy joins in with her and eventually has anal sex with her. The girl feels somewhat so so about that, but what’s interesting to me about this clip is that there may be a problem with the sound looping with the girl doing the action or there may just be another girl somewhere in the room who seems to be having a lot more fun with herself as she watches the proceedings. Lot more fun than I was having anyways, though I did appreciate the themed play.

And then there’s “Hot and Naughty Santa Claus Girl Suck Hard This Cock!” Who doesn’t have to get to scream out that sentence someday? In this video we have another fairly cute blonde girl wearing a Santa hat giving a guy a very enthusiastic blowjob in front of a Christmas tree. And maybe there’s even chestnuts roasting over an open fire somewhere in the background? Maybe. I desperately want to make a nutcracker joke here, but it’s too strained. At the end of the clip, the guy cums into the girl’s mouth, which is nice because you do so rarely actually see that in porn (it’s reserved more for sex tapes with couples who actually like and maybe – gasp! – even love each other, or at least think they do), but then the girl spits his cum out onto her tits and plays around with it a little bit. That’s a bit cliched, but hey, I’m not asking them to reinvent the wheel here. It is nice that at the end of the clip, the words Merry XXX-mas do come on the screen. Thanks, porn! You too!

Well, since this post will have to be a stocking stuffer, something to hold you over until we get closer to Christmas (and all other end of the year holidays), I’ll present you with a few other clips I discovered in my “research” when I found these two…

The first is what appears to be a nice little sex tape, simply and wonderfully just called “In Heat.” It’s just a guy and a girl on a bed together with a stationary placed camera angle, and some fucking. Compared to some of the videos I’ve had to review in the recent weeks, this is hot.

Speaking of hot, I also came across a lovely clip called “Nikki Dial Outdoor Fuck,” which is like Christmas all on it’s own because it has Nikki Dial in it. Nikki Dial is a porn actress from the 90s (Wikipedia mentions that she was able to retire after two years) and she is, quite frankly, gorgeous. Why I never thought about doing a post about her before, I honestly don’t know, but I can tell you that right now I’m thinking about little else. I know what I want for Christmas… This video itself seems to start off semi-sweetly as young Nikki, dressed as what looks like a farmer’s daughter kisses her douche-y looking cowboy guy and then they have some nice sex on a blanket awash in the fading golden glow of the sunset. And set to what could easily have been the score from an old Disney movie. This is a thing of pure beauty, much like Nikki Dial herself.

I’m not at all crazy about the title of our last clip here, “Hot bitch fucks in bathroom,” but it’s fairly accurate. It’s short and sweet, a girl up on the sink, pressed up against the mirror in the bathroom while I guy fucks her from behind. He’s fully naked while she’s still fully clothed (which is refreshing) and… well, something about this entire clip, while far too short, is just hot.

Well, that should hold you people over for a little bit, but remember…

Be warned: THERE ONLY 29 DAYS LEFT TIL CHRISTMAS!

It’s A Living

It’s all fun and games for us, so it’s difficult to forget that for the clips we’re watching, reviewing, getting off to, we’re watching what is someone’s job. Even those shitty amatuer clips of people fucking in some hotel room somewhere are all part of the business, the big chain of porn.

Through the twitter of the lovely Audacia Ray, I found the AIM Healthcare Foundation, a clinic in Southern California specifically for the porn community. I’ve heard of AIM before, when they started due to an outbreak of HIV in porn. But their site just got a face lift and includes two fantastic, fascinating videos. The second, Porn 102, is a kind of instructional video for people just getting into the porn industry, led by Dr. Sharon Mitchell, the founder of the clinic and one of my favorite women, Nina Hartley. They are both awesome and wise old school porn stars. At one point, they did a movie called Suburban Dykes.

The videos are long and while they occasionally throw in a few sexy scenes, it’s not a wanker clip. But if you’re interested in the behind the scenes of porn, it’s absolutely worth a look. We learn lots of interesting tips on how to be a pro (never double book!), proper hygiene for your nether regions, and that the days of the “stunt dick” are now over. What was super interesting to me was their emphasis on really examinig your motivations for entering the industry, setting boundaries, and how to have relationships while working as a porn star. It’s so fucking cool to watch two brilliant women breaking it down on the realities of acting in porn.

dreamlovers is another movie nina and sharon both starred in.

I was super interested in finding out more about Dr. Mitchell. She is a sex therapist, with a Phd in Human Sexuality. Because her time as a porn star was in the old school days, it’s a bit harder to get clips. But, I was able to dig up a few, like this oddly sex free one, of Sharon in Hannah Does Her Sisters.

There are few sexy clips of Sharon here at Classic Starlets and a sexy threesome scene at Caballero Classics. The lack of Sharon clips on the porno tube sites made me nostalgic for the Internet porn days of yore, where the hunt for free videos was part of the routine. It’s so easy for us now, we can watch full length movies in the time it used to take us to find an image gallery that wouldn’t infect your computer with spyware. In a way, the lack of representation of classic porn on the tubes make us give it the respect it deserves. It should be watched on a TV, in its entirety, back when porn at least tried to have some kind of plot and wasn’t made to splice into clips for Internet wankers like us.

The most recent addition to Dr. Mitchell’s resume is a guest stint on Celebrity Rehab, who was brought to in to counsel porn star Mary Carey.