The great porn hunt.

A trip down memory lane…

Sin Titulo: I just saw this and had a good chuckle. Look at the post by user “poseidon.”

Luna de Miel: Aww, I miss CK. Was just talking about porn last night on the phone and the “hunt” for that perfect video.

Sin: I miss it too. And the huuunntttt, yes. So perilous, so full of deceptions. It’s like some kind of strange ritual. Like the British and their tea. Or, fox hunting. You feel like you should be eating a special breakfast before hand and putting on gloves and reciting an ancient prayer with your genitals before opening up several tabs in your browser and hitting up all your favorite porn sites. But, of course, the exact opposite is true.

Luna: But it seems so … urgent and important. It HAS to be the right one, and it has to be the right moment in the video. I’m very picky. I hate coming too soon and maybe missing a better one later on in the video. But .. in the end, I usually feel like I’ve just wasted two hours and now my hands are cramped and my laptop is out of batteries. You don’t feel that way when you’ve been fooling around with someone for 2 hours. Quite the opposite. Usually.

Sin: I know what you mean. Fuck, I know what you mean. There’s nights where the hunt is just… After an hour, you know you’re going to get off to something… sub par. But you keep the hunt up, massively unenthused. Then, there’s nights where all your clips/videos are hot, but still not right. Still not perfect. So you keep going, treading on through promising stuff that’s not right for the moment and that very special and very sad kind of blue balls you can only get during “the  hunt.”

Luna: There’s a point where you’ve come too far. Sure, you can go to bed and just forget it, but you’ve worked so hard for this, you know? You have to finish up now. Or it might start hot and then someone does something to mess up the flow.

Sin: The video is hot but you’re looking for that right string of 30 seconds to a minute to two or three minutes by which you’re really going to put the finishing touches on that special masterpiece you’re working on, which is, well, yourself.

Luna: But what’s interesting is it has to provoke the right kind of images in your head, bc you’re usually not really thinking of the video. Maybe you are, but for the really good ones… it just goes back to something else in your brain.

Sin: So true. No matter how vague or oblique or indiscriminate. Something you see there reminds you of something from your memories or your fantasies. You’re exploring a part of yourself that you can’t see normally with your own eyes (or maybe don’t want to). It’s either something you’ve seen before and would kill to see again or something you’ve always been looking for.

Luna: But… yeah. I haven’t seen anything lately that’s really stuck in my head as remarkable. It all blurs together into a mess of body parts.

Sin: I’ve seen one or two that have really done the trick. Memorable? No. I feel like there’s weird ages of porn clips on the internet. Or eras. Or aeons, but they fade away into dust and blow away with the wind. Nothing lasts forever. I’m nostalgic for clips I jacked off to a year ago and can’t seem to find anywhere. No one likes feeling left behind. Especially when you’re sitting in front of a computer screen and holding your dick in hand.

Luna: Yeah, I know the feeling. There’s always that phantom clip that will haunt you. If only, if only you could find it again…

The city that never sleeps.

Sleep is overrated, if you ask me. Sleep when you’re dead.

Fornication under the consent of the King.

Cross posted here.

About two years ago a poll was conducted by psychologists Cindy Meston and David Buss from the University of Texas to see all of the reasons why people have sex. This is a short sampling of the 237 compiled reasons from their list, parts of which have been printed before in Harper’s and elsewhere.

I was bored.

I was married, and you’re supposed to.

It became a habit.

It was the only way my partner would spend time with me.

I wanted to stop my partner’s nagging.

I was afraid my partner would have an affair if I didn’t.

I wanted to have more sex than my friends.

Someone dared me.

I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

I wanted to defy my parents.

I was slumming.

I needed another notch on my belt.

It was an initiation rite.

The person was famous.

The person was a good dancer.

The person had beautiful eyes.

The person had a great sense of humor.

The person was intelligent.

The person bought me an expensive dinner.

I wanted a job.

Someone offered me money.

I’m addicted to sex.

My hormones were out of control.

I was tired of being a virgin.

I wanted to feel closer to God.

I wanted to boost my self-esteem.

I was trying to reaffirm my sexual orientation.

It’s considered taboo.

I wanted to get rid of aggression.

I was physically forced.

I was verbally coerced.

I was seduced.

I wanted to humiliate the person.

I wanted to give someone a sexually transmitted disease.

I was feeling lonely.

I wanted the person to love me.

I thought it would help me trap a new partner.

I was ovulating.

I wanted to get rid of a headache.

I thought it would help me fall asleep.

I wanted to keep warm.

I wanted to burn calories.

I wanted to relieve menstrual cramps.

It’s my genetic imperative.

I was curious about my sexual abilities.

The person smelled nice.

I realized I was in love.

I wanted to change the topic of conversation.

Hocus Pocus.

So, I’m going to reach into my top hat here and pull out this rabbit out for you…

That’s the video for the new Ciara single, “Love Sex Magic,” which is three of my favorite things. It features Justin Timberlake because, whether we like it or not, that guy is out there. Just like AIDS, man.

For like the first time in a year or so, I turned on VH1 the other morning, and… Wow, what a graveyard. Is this where mediocre music goes to die? Mainstream? The only diamond in the rough was this video, which I instantly thought was ridiculously sexy. The song isn’t great, but it’s good, I like it, and it works. As the Boston Herald put it: “Not quite magic, but it grows on you.”

That it does.

And granted, I know I’m screaming at the top of my lungs in a room full of deaf or uninterested people here, but Justin Timberlake, WTF? Is his presence necessary here? Especially considering this is a Ciara video and for the most part, she’s forced to just basically be the pretty girl with the lovely voice who gets the sing the hook on her own track.

Also, the other thing that gets me, is that Timberlake looks so incredibly disinterested in this video. This beautiful woman, a talented singer and dancer, is grinding all over him and except for a few moments here and there, he looks like he’s waiting to clock out and pick up his check from the record label. Was Jessica Biel standing just off set, watching with a mean scowl on her face? It’s horrible because it kind of undersells the video and makes Ciara look like she’s trying to hard to win over, what? This guy? Please.

I shit you not, the Wikipedia caption for the above photo is: Ciara as a sexy tigress in a cage in the music video.

But I guess this also fits into the bit more than slightly misogynistic trend in music videos where the loser guy just kind of sits there while the hot girls do all the hard work and sweating. And Ciara is certainly doing that here. And then some.

And Timberlake just looks like he’s thinking about playing with his magic wand.

The Whole Chicken.

“For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.”

and

“Erotica is using a feather, pornography is using the whole chicken.”

-Isabel Allende.

So true, Isabel, so true. Here at Carnal Knowledge, I think we like to think of ourselves as the whole chicken, but with some damn fine feathers. Or so we hope…

Mountains and Valleys

Yesterday was National Cleavage Day (sponsored by Wonderbra). I had the same reaction as I did to Steak and A Blowjob Day: aren’t those things every day occurrences? At least if you are me, that is. We celebrated the best way we knew how: by posting photos to our tumblr. Most notably, this one.  This girl embodies the spirit of National Cleavage Day. Although, to be fair, she’s not wearing a bra.

A cleavage holiday reminds me of one particular video that always seems to come back to haunt/delight me. It is of Naughty Allie, a star in the “horny housewife” Internet porn genre, ladies who bypass the traditional starlet route and do their own sites and videos along with their husbands. Some of the women, like Wifey never have sex with anyone but their cameraman husbands. Allie, thankfully shares her horniness with damn near everyone who comes to her giant home. She says in the intro to her site:

I’m pretty much your average girl next door except for one thing, my insatiable appetite for sex. Seriously, I cannot ever seem to get enough action no matter how often I get laid. Guys, girls, dildos, whatever! I just need to get off at least four or five times a day and I don’t care how I get it done! People say I look shy and innocent, but the truth is that I’m actually a naughty sex addicted little nympho.

Allie sounds like she has some kind of medical addiction to sex. Thank God she is a porn star. The video itself is pretty natural. Allie is talking on the phone with a girlfriend and her husband/boyfriend approaches her with a hard on. Rather than say, telling him to go away, she decides to put his boner right in between her luscious (probably fake) breasts. It’s a pretty spectacular image. Check it out for yourself:

Sometimes cleavage is best on its own or paired with a very bad joke:

And other times, if you look at it from a different angle than usual, it’s a hot little teaser of what’s to come:

A touch of Grey.

Here’s the poster for the new film by Steven Soderbergh, The Girlfriend Experience, which stars the lovely and talented Sasha Grey:

I really dig that poster. And I’m actually quite a huge Soderbergh fan, so I’d probably be looking forward to this no matter what it was, pretty much, but I’m fascinated by Sasha Grey’s transition (one hopes) from an actress in adult cinema to an actress in mainstream films, or at least films made by filmmakers like Soderbergh.

Sasha Grey, birthday girl.

Of course, on the down side, she’s playing a prostitute (presumably giving someone the girlfriend experience), so there might not be quite the mainstream credibility she could potentially deserve, but it should be interesting either way, right?

Sasha celebrating her 21st (she’s only 21!) birthday recently with what is quite possibly her boyfriend, Billy Corgan.

You can follow Sasha’s twitter, which has some very interesting stuff on it, including this:

…And here’s her now infamous American Apparel ad for one of my favorite blogs, The Reverse Cowgirl:

I thin it’s safe to say that we’re fans of Sasha here at CK, not just becase she’s amazing at what she does, but because she’s a success-minded young woman on an interesting path in her career and has made it clear time and time again that she doesn’t plan on solely being what you expect of her.

Thank God I found an angle like you.

The other day as I was leaving work I encountered a note that someone had typed up and left laying about, fallen to the ground as they were rushing about. It said:

“I believe in miracles and higher powers. I believe that we all have someone watching over us, watching everything we do. I believe we all have angles, and I think that you’re one. And I thank God that I found an angle like you.”

How sad that it made me think of porn, right?

Never mind just the watching part, because it’s all about watching (though sound plays a big part in things as well), but it’s all about angles.

Though you might also call it framing.

Or blocking.

Or just plain God-given flexibility.

One of the clips, I stole some of these images from, “Sexy Teen Loves Cock,” is hot. The girl is cute, flexible, and it’s just fun and sexy. The other clip, “Pretty young babe Faye Reagan gets fucked,” is also hot, but I really hate the guy in it. And it’s not as fun. The guy comes off as increasingly sleazy, a little too prone to throw out the “dirty slut” name calling. Granted, I’ve been around the block – and make no mistake here, because Sin Titulo is a dirty, dirty man – and I know that in the heat of filthy passion, things sometimes go that way, but I look at this dirtbag and I have to wonder why he isn’t saying to this young woman: “Thank God I found an angle like you.” But, you know, nicer.

i’m in the mood for love.

Today I wanted to talk a little about angles and how sometimes, something is perfect depending on how you see it.

From 2007′s Lust, Caution.

The genesis for that was going to be (and is now) me talking about how Ang Lee’s gorgeous and seductive film, Lust, Caution. It’s a beautifully erotic film, and stars Tony Leung, the man who is probably the lead actor in every single Chinese adult film.

Not adult as in porno (despite the evidence to the contrary in these images from Lust, Caution), but adult as in mature and erotic films for adults. Watch a film starring Tony Leung and you’ll see what I mean. And not just that, but you’ll see one of the most still, most restrained and classy actors in cinema anywhere in the world.

Tony Leung and Wei Tang in Lust, Caution.

This is how he describes himself: “I am very restrained, very suppressed, very quiet. I don’t like to talk too much because I don’t know what to do in front of an audience. Actually, I don’t know how to communicate with others because of my background and I am scared.” It’s not surprising to hear him say that since his screen presence is a disarming sense of dangerous confidence mixed with wounded masculinity.

From Wong Kar-Wai’s 2046.

Also, he – Tony Leung Chiu-Wai - apparently is known by the nickname of “Little Tony,” to distinguish himself from “Big Tony,” who is Tony Leung Ka-Fai. For some reason, I always assumed it was Chiu-Wai in The Lover, but it was Ka-Fai.

“Every once in a while a train leaves to a place where lost memories are remembered. But no one has ever returned from 2046.”

“…except me.”

If you haven’t seen Wong Kar-Wai’s In The Mood For Love yet, which is one of the most agonizingly beautiful love stories ever, then I suggest you put down your internet and go find yourself a viewing of it immediately. There is no nudity in the film, no sex scenes, and yet it’s so erotic that you’ll ache from longing. And maybe that longing will be satisfied by it’s sequel (of sorts), 2046.

Wong Kar-Wai is a brilliant director and thanks to his cinematographer, Christopher Doyle, you can literally take any scene from either of those (or any of his films, honestly) and just pluck them right off the screen and hang them on your wall.

Tomorrow or the next day, we’ll talk about the angles (you’ll see what I mean). But tonight is me suggesting that you find yourself In The Mood For Love as soon as possible. Maggie Cheung and Tony Leung in that film are real, beautiful cinema at it’s finest. Go see what I mean.

Cybersex.

I have to wonder with the end of Battlestar Galactica last night and what is presumably the impending cancellation of The Sarah Connor Chronicles is this going to be the end of a conscious and visual desire to have sex with hot robots, at least in popular science fiction?

I guess that’s probably a stupid question. As long as human beings are alive and have working genitals and bizarre hormones, we’ll probably always want to fuck everything we can (especially when told, “Hey, you can’t fuck that!”), including the appliances. Just ask the Japanese.

But I guess I’m wondering if that will continue to be the recurring trend in science fiction for a while (or SyFy), or will we go to a more Torchwood-ian desire to have fun polysexual adventures with alien creatures out of time and space?

Not that the exploration of boundaries and new ideas about sex and sexuality in science fiction is a new thing, which is good. I consider myself a fan of science fiction, perhaps a nerd even (there’s a fine line when it comes to being a fan of sci fi that very easily drops you into darkened nerd territory), and I’ve always liked when science fiction goes adult. I don’t just want to hear about space exploration and what’s inside black holes and how time travel will work or what’s going on with m-theory, tell me about us in the future. Tell me how we interact with the universe in new and interesting ways. And, to put it bluntly, tell me how we get off.

But that’s the nice thing about science fiction, right? It’s all about imagination. The same should be said in a lot of ways for sex and things that can be considered sexy.

More and more, perhaps just to nab headlines, I’m seeing stories about human beings having realistic sexual encounters with robots isn’t that far off. That will open up an interesting can of moral worms about what’s right and wrong: Will Asimov’s laws of robotics get a sexy new fourth law dealing with the opposite of the uncanny valley? Will it be cheating on your human lover? Will it be feminism? Will it develop into real love and marriage?

So, so many juicy questions.

For better or worse, you gotta admit that when your “normal” contemporary life turns into science fiction, then it’s a very interesting time indeed.

And Battlestar Galactica, though I feel the quality of your show has fallen by the wayside quite a bit in the last few years, I salute the ride you took us nerds on, and some of the questions you brought up, not just about survival and robots in space, but really the question of what it is to be human. That, and keying us in to the fact that a robot’s spine glows when they have sex.

Thanks, that’s not only hot, but info I can use.

As for you, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, I’ve never really watched you, but even though you sound like a bad joke, people tell me you’re not such a bad show after all. Maybe I’ll get to find out before you get canceled or I end up relying solely on the kindness of robot escort services, just like in AI.

Future, here we come.