Come together.

By Pippo Lionni: “PRIMETIME FUCKME.”

And the word is?

by Bettina Rheims, from here and here.

BRB.

Pidgin Tolstoy and articulate Henry James.

“The women in my life have all been librarians, English teachers, or booksellers. If they couldn’t speak pidgin Tolstoy, articulate Henry James, or give me directions to Usher and Ox, it was no go. I have always longed for education, and pillow talk’s the best.”

-Ray Bradbury in his foreword to A Passion for Books (1999) by Harold Rabinowitz and Rob Kaplan.

The city that never sleeps.

Sleep is overrated, if you ask me. Sleep when you’re dead.

This shining pool.

How Lovely Wetness Makes The Flesh

by Tennessee Williams

How lovely wetness makes the flesh

our bodies will declare

when we step from this shining pool

into the shining air

How lovely passion makes the lips

our kiss will testify

when we step from this brilliant earth

into the brilliant sky

from the June 2009 issue of Harper’s, which adds that the poem “was written on the stationery  ofthe Hotel Woodstock, the poem dates from 1939, when Williams visited New York City to attend the World’s Fair.

It’s about nothing.

We’ve written about the lovely Ashlynn Brooke here before but I’m sad to have just discovered that she’s a staple in the ridiculous porn parodies that’ve been out there. I guess I’m not really against the idea of pornographic parodies of normal creative properties, but they’re not even remotely funny, it seems. The latest one she’s in is literally just called Seinfeld – An XXX Parody.

A porno about nothing? Yeah, I hope so, but I’m not expecting any deepness from this other than, well, how deep the cocks go? Ehhh. But the Seinfeld parody joins a long roster of others, sending up The Office, 30 Rock, and even mediocre fare such as Scrubs.

Ashlynn Brooke as the Jane Krakowski character from 30 Rock in the porn parody.

And you have to admit that the porn parody version of The Office looks interesting, right? And talk about an all star cast.

Oh, Ashlynn Brooke, I want to tell you that you’re so much better than appearing in shit like this, but truth be told, if presented with the opportunity, I’d watch this shit. Fuck yeah, I’d watch it.

Mother’s Milk.

In case you were wondering,  yes, your friends and lovers here at Carnal Knowledge are the kind of people to bring you dirty mommy-flavored clips on Mother’s Day. We are just that sick.

from here.

Actually, the first two I want to share with you are less about improper relations between mothers and their offspring, but more about the perils of bad stepfathers:

The first is “Bill, wake up, I’m not mom,” which is… hilarious. This is the kind of stupid you want in almost all porn clips: Family is watching a scary movie on the couch and the mom decides to go to sleep, leaving her daughter and the drunken step father to watch the rest of it. The stepfather passes out and starts humping and touching the girl in his sleep. The girl assumes that he thinks he’s having sex with the mom, but seemingly enjoys it, and they continue. It’s ludicrous! But wonderful.

Oh, and the framing device is that the girl is writing about it in her diary. “Dear diary, I can’t believe what happened to me last night,” she starts the video off with. Ha ha! Excellent!

You can’t tell, but she’s so upset with him.

And then there’s the equally stupid and white trash-y “Wanna Fuck My Daughter?” With a title like that, how can you refuse such a video? In it, a girl comes home late and sneaks in, afraid her mother will catch her, especially when she has to bring a drunk friend of hers home. Thankfully, the mom will never notice since she’s fucking her boyfriend. So, the two girls come in, go to the daughter’s bedroom and pass out. That is, until they’re woken up by the mom who’s boyfriend took a viagra and is just too hard. She needs help taming that great big cock.

God, listen to me. I should start writing porn summaries professionally!

But that’s not to say that step dads are always bad or the only ones who are bad. Sometimes you can have a very naughty step mom as well…

Or there’s also a really good mom, you know, the kind that teaches her daughter all about lesbian sex!

Or the kind that dances around naked for her kids whenever their friends are over!

Or the kind who wakes up their son in the middle of the night to molest him, but in a sexy way!

Or a mother who shares.

Or the kind who tries to push their (step) daughter to be the best that she can, and then has sex with her.

Or the… well, the whatever the fuck is going on in this video, which I’ve always found hot, but so weird.

Anyway, love your mom, kids. Maybe not love love them. But love them. Or someone else’s mom, sure. They’re called MILFs for a reason, but beyond that, it’s their day so treat them special, okay?

The house always wins.

So, in talking with a friend recently, I decided to take a moment (especially since Luna and I are a little bit behind on our posting and we have missed you guys) out of my not so busy day to state the obvious:

You really can’t judge someone on the porn they like.

Well, of course you can.

But you should really judge them on how their porn affects them. We all know that a majority of porn is very, very misogynist and degrading to women (and sometimes, but obviously much less, to men as well)(to the whole human race, really), but the sad truth, is that so many of us like it still. Horininess and a desire for filth, like the house, always wins. We like being naughty. In fact, how can you respect the prudes out there because, when you really get down to it, if you’re into a sexually healthy and adventurous lifestyle, you’re going to end up doing some pretty wrong shit, right?

But it’s really up to you to decide at what level your shit becomes wrong. And fun. And at what levels your limits demand testing, pushing, blurring, etc.

And if you’re not doing it now, then get out there and start.

Like what you like. If it gets you off, that’s fantastic. Keep it to yourself or share it with the world, it’s totally up to you.

And I’ll give you an example: cheerleaders. What a dorky, ridiculous cliche for men to like. But you know what? If I’m flipping through some videos on any one of the many porn sites that Luna and I traffic sometimes 8 or 9 times a day (“research,” people, it’s all “research!”), and I see a cheerleader video, I’m probably going to click on it.

Granted, it’s a moot point if the person whom you’re judging based on their porn perspectives is into something where people have to be punched in the face or stabbed to get off. That’s probably a little excessive, but hey, maybe you’re into that?

Originally in the above paragraph, I was going to use watersports or scat porn as examples, but again, maybe you’re into that? In fact, I used to date this girl, this really sweet, shy, timid wallflower of a girl, the kind that doesn’t know how pretty she is, and all those wonderful cliches. She was very reserved and cautious in bed, but one day, like a scene from a movie, as we lay there so wonderfully post coital, she asked me if I’d piss in her mouth because it’s been so long since she’d found a guy who’d do that for her. And I don’t know about you, but I love when I’m presented with new character tests to pass or fail.

Alright, that’s enough out of me for now. As you were. Go watch something dirty, okay?

Back to school.

Your thought of the day (for this and everyday):

from here.