The Big Game.

Wait, isn’t there some kind of huge football game happening today?

Luna and I aren’t the biggest football fans, but in honor of the big game today, I’m going to celebrate it the best way I know how:

“Football Team Gangbangs Chick!”

and

“Football Busty Sluts Eat Cock!”

and, of course, a massive football players and cheerleaders orgy. That kicks the ass of any halftime special right there.

Anyway, enjoy the Super Bowl and we’ll see you in the locker room afterward!

Smoke gets in your eyes.

Let’s talk about something incredibly seductive for a moment here.

A woman smoking.

Such a contradiction in terms because, honestly, I find smoking to be disgusting. But I’ve got to admit that there’s times when the sight of a beautiful woman taking a drag off of a cigarette is just one of those powerful images that knocks me on my ass. Is it an oral thing? Am I subconsciously substituting a penis between her lips instead of that long thin cancer stick? I don’t know. I doubt it, but I don’t know.

Something about not just a woman smoking but anyone smoking, especially when they’re alone, just says power. It speaks of a small rebellion, even if it’s an inconsequential one. A solitary withdrawal and a strength inside. With no words at all, a long drag can say a deep, quiet fuck you from either the loner or the playful trickster.

With the exception of Mr. Live Fast, Die Young, you’ll notice that the pictures I’ve used here are the classic image of a woman with a cigarette. Just holding it. One arm tucked around themselves, the other dangling the cigarette nonchalantly. Not taking a drag from it. What does that imply? What is the hidden symbolism there? What is that memetic idea that keeps us drawing from that well?

No idea, and again, I don’t want to tear it apart. I’m not sure I want to find it’s hidden meaning. I think I just want to enjoy it and be drawn into it’s sway.

My first video for you today is titled “Smoking Doggy Stylie,” and it’s one of the hottest you’ll ever see. It simply is just a woman laying over a bed, smoking, talking about smoking, and a man behind her, fucking her doggystyle and asking her about her smoking. You never see the man’s face, and you don’t need to. He’d only ruin it because the bewitching young woman absolutely commands your attention for roughly 13 minutes of your life that you’ll gladly sacrifice to her. Hers is dark magic that inveigles you masterfully as she’s bent over her altar performing her rituals. Click on that link only if you want to be captivated.

The next video, entitled “Nice smoking hand job” is far less enticing, but quite possibly could’ve been in it’s original form. Somebody took another video, cut it down to a less than a minute clip, put a Tweet song about smoking over it and completely drained it of it’s magic. The woman is in full swing ice blonde femme fatale mode, almost as much as the dark haired beauty in our first clip. I think the most fascinating aspect of this clip, the thing that makes me desperately want to see it’s original iteration is complete disinterest she seems to hold for the man’s cock that she’s jerking off. Like I said, something about the cigarette, if smoked right, isolates you majestically. It puts you in a place that others are desperate to get to, even if it is completely damaging.

Now, that’s not to say that, like everything, smoking can’t be done wrong, because oh  yes, it can:

Seriously, seriously wrong.

“A pink lung is a wasted lung,” an old coworker of mine always used to tell me. He was 22 and couldn’t run without nearly passing out and coughing up green shit the size of a catcher’s mitt. His teeth were bright yellow and his breath smelled like nuclear waste. He started smoking when he was 12, given his first cigarette by his father. His mother smoked when she was pregnant with both him and his sister, he emphatically stated. And besides, “when I die,” he told me, “I want to be sick, not healthy.” I probably should’ve respected his fierce independence and his quite frankly American right to be that spectacularly stupid. But I won’t bullshit you: I didn’t then and I don’t know. “You’re probably going to get your wish in the next few years,” I told him.

All I’m saying is: Ladies, I hope you don’t smoke. Healthy is a good look, even if smoking is so undeniably sexy at times.

And until next time, here’s to the smoke that gets in your eyes.