Mother’s Milk.

In case you were wondering,  yes, your friends and lovers here at Carnal Knowledge are the kind of people to bring you dirty mommy-flavored clips on Mother’s Day. We are just that sick.

from here.

Actually, the first two I want to share with you are less about improper relations between mothers and their offspring, but more about the perils of bad stepfathers:

The first is “Bill, wake up, I’m not mom,” which is… hilarious. This is the kind of stupid you want in almost all porn clips: Family is watching a scary movie on the couch and the mom decides to go to sleep, leaving her daughter and the drunken step father to watch the rest of it. The stepfather passes out and starts humping and touching the girl in his sleep. The girl assumes that he thinks he’s having sex with the mom, but seemingly enjoys it, and they continue. It’s ludicrous! But wonderful.

Oh, and the framing device is that the girl is writing about it in her diary. “Dear diary, I can’t believe what happened to me last night,” she starts the video off with. Ha ha! Excellent!

You can’t tell, but she’s so upset with him.

And then there’s the equally stupid and white trash-y “Wanna Fuck My Daughter?” With a title like that, how can you refuse such a video? In it, a girl comes home late and sneaks in, afraid her mother will catch her, especially when she has to bring a drunk friend of hers home. Thankfully, the mom will never notice since she’s fucking her boyfriend. So, the two girls come in, go to the daughter’s bedroom and pass out. That is, until they’re woken up by the mom who’s boyfriend took a viagra and is just too hard. She needs help taming that great big cock.

God, listen to me. I should start writing porn summaries professionally!

But that’s not to say that step dads are always bad or the only ones who are bad. Sometimes you can have a very naughty step mom as well…

Or there’s also a really good mom, you know, the kind that teaches her daughter all about lesbian sex!

Or the kind that dances around naked for her kids whenever their friends are over!

Or the kind who wakes up their son in the middle of the night to molest him, but in a sexy way!

Or a mother who shares.

Or the kind who tries to push their (step) daughter to be the best that she can, and then has sex with her.

Or the… well, the whatever the fuck is going on in this video, which I’ve always found hot, but so weird.

Anyway, love your mom, kids. Maybe not love love them. But love them. Or someone else’s mom, sure. They’re called MILFs for a reason, but beyond that, it’s their day so treat them special, okay?

The same old song and dance.

Ah, date night…

So you’re home again with your lover, despite the incredibly apparanet age gap, enjoying the pleasure of each other’s company for some karaoke.

Some singing, some dancing…What could be better than this?

Well…

There’s always a few things, right? 🙂

What a mighty good man

With all the girl ogling we do here, you’d think this blog was written by two dudes or a straight guy and a lesbian. In reality, it’s written by a straight guy and a straight girl who appreciates aesthetics. But, tonight, tonight we will honor that thing that has been responsible for so many poor choices, my love and lust and admiration of the man.

We’ll start with a classic, Christian Bale. He is the kind of man who is so perfect, so good looking, so handsome that if you, a mortal, normal girl were to get him alone for an evening to do whatever you wished, I think I’d spend most of my time just staring at his perfect physique, scared I’d break him.  This photo of him is beautiful, some may prefer a more stylized version of Christian, but I love this image, he’s comfortable, in what looks like a hotel room, messy hair, enjoying a bourbon and a smoke, perhaps on a day of debauchery (I wouldn’t have it any other way).

But we’re here to talk about smut, right? Hot, filthy smut designed to make your mind wander. Well, let me tell you: finding hot men in porn is not an easy task. While you could theorize that porn is about watching attractive people having sex, that’s hardly ever the case. The men of adult film are usually stone cold average, cast for their endurance, not for their looks. Ron Jeremy, who I’m sure could fuck me 8 ways till Sunday, isn’t exactly an Adonis.  I’d complain that the same standard doesn’t really apply to women but the truth is, if a woman really wanted a career getting naked, no matter what she looks like, well, she will be able to find it. Maybe not even getting naked. Maybe just wearing lingerie and eating ice cream (my dream job).

So, imagine my surprise and shock to find a hot man in the most unusual of places, in a blowjob MILF clip. The MILF herself isn’t bad to look at either, but unfortunately she is the spitting image of a very nice woman I used to live with and I found it impossible to watch her because she reminded me so much of my old roommate. Lucky for me, there is some sweet male eye candy.The guy in this clip is genuinely attractive and genuinely hot, not midly attractive in that porn way. And of course, the icing on his sweet, sweet cake: he seems to be genuinely into his busty MILF and I find that adorable.

Finding other hot guys in smut, well, my dear readers, that was not easy. Even looking for hot young couples bought up people that were average at best (and yes, I get to decide what is attractive. This is my blog, fools!). So, in lieu of that, some pictures of attractive men, set to the tune of Hot Chip’s love song “Ready For The Floor” : (Do it do it do it do it now/say it say it say it say it say it say it now)

i can’t hear your voice/do i have a choice?

The smoking, the jeans, the look. Aaron Eckhart is so hot in this photo.

i’m hoping with chance/you might take this dance

Vincent D'Onofrio as Bobbie Goren could interrogate me whenever he wishes.

you’re my number one guy…

one of my favorite ex-lovers is a spitting image of jake.