Fornication under the consent of the King.

Cross posted here.

About two years ago a poll was conducted by psychologists Cindy Meston and David Buss from the University of Texas to see all of the reasons why people have sex. This is a short sampling of the 237 compiled reasons from their list, parts of which have been printed before in Harper’s and elsewhere.

I was bored.

I was married, and you’re supposed to.

It became a habit.

It was the only way my partner would spend time with me.

I wanted to stop my partner’s nagging.

I was afraid my partner would have an affair if I didn’t.

I wanted to have more sex than my friends.

Someone dared me.

I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

I wanted to defy my parents.

I was slumming.

I needed another notch on my belt.

It was an initiation rite.

The person was famous.

The person was a good dancer.

The person had beautiful eyes.

The person had a great sense of humor.

The person was intelligent.

The person bought me an expensive dinner.

I wanted a job.

Someone offered me money.

I’m addicted to sex.

My hormones were out of control.

I was tired of being a virgin.

I wanted to feel closer to God.

I wanted to boost my self-esteem.

I was trying to reaffirm my sexual orientation.

It’s considered taboo.

I wanted to get rid of aggression.

I was physically forced.

I was verbally coerced.

I was seduced.

I wanted to humiliate the person.

I wanted to give someone a sexually transmitted disease.

I was feeling lonely.

I wanted the person to love me.

I thought it would help me trap a new partner.

I was ovulating.

I wanted to get rid of a headache.

I thought it would help me fall asleep.

I wanted to keep warm.

I wanted to burn calories.

I wanted to relieve menstrual cramps.

It’s my genetic imperative.

I was curious about my sexual abilities.

The person smelled nice.

I realized I was in love.

I wanted to change the topic of conversation.

Mother’s Milk.

In case you were wondering,  yes, your friends and lovers here at Carnal Knowledge are the kind of people to bring you dirty mommy-flavored clips on Mother’s Day. We are just that sick.

from here.

Actually, the first two I want to share with you are less about improper relations between mothers and their offspring, but more about the perils of bad stepfathers:

The first is “Bill, wake up, I’m not mom,” which is… hilarious. This is the kind of stupid you want in almost all porn clips: Family is watching a scary movie on the couch and the mom decides to go to sleep, leaving her daughter and the drunken step father to watch the rest of it. The stepfather passes out and starts humping and touching the girl in his sleep. The girl assumes that he thinks he’s having sex with the mom, but seemingly enjoys it, and they continue. It’s ludicrous! But wonderful.

Oh, and the framing device is that the girl is writing about it in her diary. “Dear diary, I can’t believe what happened to me last night,” she starts the video off with. Ha ha! Excellent!

You can’t tell, but she’s so upset with him.

And then there’s the equally stupid and white trash-y “Wanna Fuck My Daughter?” With a title like that, how can you refuse such a video? In it, a girl comes home late and sneaks in, afraid her mother will catch her, especially when she has to bring a drunk friend of hers home. Thankfully, the mom will never notice since she’s fucking her boyfriend. So, the two girls come in, go to the daughter’s bedroom and pass out. That is, until they’re woken up by the mom who’s boyfriend took a viagra and is just too hard. She needs help taming that great big cock.

God, listen to me. I should start writing porn summaries professionally!

But that’s not to say that step dads are always bad or the only ones who are bad. Sometimes you can have a very naughty step mom as well…

Or there’s also a really good mom, you know, the kind that teaches her daughter all about lesbian sex!

Or the kind that dances around naked for her kids whenever their friends are over!

Or the kind who wakes up their son in the middle of the night to molest him, but in a sexy way!

Or a mother who shares.

Or the kind who tries to push their (step) daughter to be the best that she can, and then has sex with her.

Or the… well, the whatever the fuck is going on in this video, which I’ve always found hot, but so weird.

Anyway, love your mom, kids. Maybe not love love them. But love them. Or someone else’s mom, sure. They’re called MILFs for a reason, but beyond that, it’s their day so treat them special, okay?

The house always wins.

So, in talking with a friend recently, I decided to take a moment (especially since Luna and I are a little bit behind on our posting and we have missed you guys) out of my not so busy day to state the obvious:

You really can’t judge someone on the porn they like.

Well, of course you can.

But you should really judge them on how their porn affects them. We all know that a majority of porn is very, very misogynist and degrading to women (and sometimes, but obviously much less, to men as well)(to the whole human race, really), but the sad truth, is that so many of us like it still. Horininess and a desire for filth, like the house, always wins. We like being naughty. In fact, how can you respect the prudes out there because, when you really get down to it, if you’re into a sexually healthy and adventurous lifestyle, you’re going to end up doing some pretty wrong shit, right?

But it’s really up to you to decide at what level your shit becomes wrong. And fun. And at what levels your limits demand testing, pushing, blurring, etc.

And if you’re not doing it now, then get out there and start.

Like what you like. If it gets you off, that’s fantastic. Keep it to yourself or share it with the world, it’s totally up to you.

And I’ll give you an example: cheerleaders. What a dorky, ridiculous cliche for men to like. But you know what? If I’m flipping through some videos on any one of the many porn sites that Luna and I traffic sometimes 8 or 9 times a day (“research,” people, it’s all “research!”), and I see a cheerleader video, I’m probably going to click on it.

Granted, it’s a moot point if the person whom you’re judging based on their porn perspectives is into something where people have to be punched in the face or stabbed to get off. That’s probably a little excessive, but hey, maybe you’re into that?

Originally in the above paragraph, I was going to use watersports or scat porn as examples, but again, maybe you’re into that? In fact, I used to date this girl, this really sweet, shy, timid wallflower of a girl, the kind that doesn’t know how pretty she is, and all those wonderful cliches. She was very reserved and cautious in bed, but one day, like a scene from a movie, as we lay there so wonderfully post coital, she asked me if I’d piss in her mouth because it’s been so long since she’d found a guy who’d do that for her. And I don’t know about you, but I love when I’m presented with new character tests to pass or fail.

Alright, that’s enough out of me for now. As you were. Go watch something dirty, okay?

Back to school.

Your thought of the day (for this and everyday):

from here.

Armed and dangerous.

Luna de Miel: Worst name for a porn site ever? YouJIZZ.

Sin Titulo: Ugh. Yeah. That is bad.

Luna: And like, you could make it work by having the whole site be just jizz videos but … no.

Sin: Yeah, a site of nothing but cumshots would make more sense. I mean, I’d avoid it, but it’d make sense. YouJizz. That… I do not like that.

Luna: It’s kind of aggressive, no? I don’t have to jizz if I don’t want to, youJIZZ.

Sin: I picture a thick menacingly accent person pointing a gun at my head saying, “You. Jizz! Or we kill the girl!” And he’ll do it too.

Luna: Yes, he will. Also… the reason I’m even aware of the existence of youJIZZ is I was reading a sex blog that was recommended to me by Google Reader. They also linked to this website, which is a swingers site and has the world’s least attractive people on the front page right now.

Sin: Lifestyle Lounge. Heh. What a funny title.

Luna: The people on the front page are so….greasy. They’re the kind of people who would invite you over for dinner to seduce you and you’d come over, all hungry and be all “sooo when’s dinner?” and they’d be like “later, relax!” and put on something like Usher. Then they’d drop wine on you so you’d have to take your shirt off. And then you’d realize what’s happening. And you can’t leave.

Sin: Let’s leave my dating history out of this, shall we?

Luna: Oh. Sorry. I forgot. Hit too close to home there, huh?

Sin: Ehhhh. That’s how all my dates start. Then they end with some stereotypically foreign movie villain saying to me, “You! Jizz! Or we kill the girl and the small furry animal.”

Luna: Then you’ve found yourself in a real pickle then, huh? Would that work with girls too?

Sin: Oh, yeah, of course. It’ll just be a lot more attractive when they do it.

Luna: Maybe this is the plot for the porno that’s been living inside my head for a while?

Sin: Being told to orgasm at gunpoint, either with the gun to your head or with the assailants holding a loved one hostage?

Luna: The gun is kind of hot. but, yeah.

Sin: Is there a happy ending to that story?

Just so there’s no confusion: We love Lena Chen.

Luna: The cops show up. Gangbang time. This is going to be a really dirty porno.

Sin: Does the hostage stay tied up in the corner the whole time?

Luna: Well if we’re going to get really filthy.. the hostage stays tied up and gets involved.

Sin: Does it end with you and your porno troupe turning to the camera and obliterating the fourth wall by telling the audience, “And now… you jizz!” Or do you just jizz on us, like one of those 3D rides at Disneyland back in the day?

Luna: OMG, the second one would be amazing. With a really cheesy effect, too.

Sin: Gallagher-style. Watch out, people in the first three rows!

Luna: This will be the kind of porno you watch ironically.

Sin: Ironic masturbation!

Luna: Yes.

Sin: I feel like if our blog hadn’t been called Carnal Knoweldge, it would’ve been called Ironic Masturbation.

Luna: No, no masturbation. Just… watch it at parties and think… “WTF?” And, you know, there’s room for a sub-title yet.

Sin: Carnal Knowledge, home of the Ironic Masturbation… right into your eye!

Luna: Watch out!

Lezzie Sunday 02.

Well, the end of the weekend is upon us, and while my illustrious co-blogger is off being all serious like, I’m stuck here manning the fires. And no better pun is set up by the words “manning” and “fires” than one involving the greatest and sexiest force in the known universe: lesbians.

First up, the very succinctly titled: “Fireside teen cunt loving!” I promise you that a title like that says what it means and means what it says. This clip is fun, but kind of silly (isn’t all porn?), but I’ll give it an extra point and knock it up to simply wonderful because it actually features voiceovers and dialogue via voiceovers like: “So, it was just me, the warm fireplace, and my fingers in my wet pussy… Like I had done so many times before.” Wonderful.

Secondly, I give you “Sasha seduces Rebeca,” and I think this is the perfect niche for Sasha Grey in her acting roles with female co-stars: She should always be the tempting big sister, or big step sister, or something like that. Something about her is just wonderfully evil and I really hope that she goes around corrupting young cuties on her own free time not just because she’s good at it, but because she seems to genuinely enjoy it! Anyway, both girls are gorgeous and, well, it’s naked girls having sex. You really can’t go wrong with this concept, I promise you.

And our last video for the day is simply called “Sue Ann and Celina,” and if I was just to give you two reviews here, one extremely short and one more detailed, the short one would just go like this: I fucking love this clip.

I really, really do. The clip consists of two girls sitting in the kitchen, having a nice little chat and playing with themselves. And watching the other while playing with themselves. As much as I (and everyone, for that matter) love watching two women making love, I think that Luna would agree with me tha sometimes one of the hottest things you’ll see in porn (and life too, for that matter) is mutual masturbation.

I also have to love the particularly tasty meta moment towards the end, when the girls are enjoying the afterglow, and the lovely lady on the right asks her friend in what I think is a lovely Australian accent, “I wonder why guys like it so much, when they see two women doing it. I wonder what the big attraction is.”

It’s a good thing that the girls filmed this so they can play it back and see the same thing that the rest of us are seeing.

The same old song and dance.

Ah, date night…

So you’re home again with your lover, despite the incredibly apparanet age gap, enjoying the pleasure of each other’s company for some karaoke.

Some singing, some dancing…What could be better than this?

Well…

There’s always a few things, right? 🙂

The family that lays together stays together.

Just go ahead and try to tell me that the above video isn’t hot. Cause it is and you know it. I love showing it to people and hearing them say, “Damn, that is really hot, really sexy.” And I say, “I know, it is, isn’t it? Also, those two are brother and sister.”

I think it’s safe to say that once human beings were able to perfect capturing the images of life as a means of recording our experiences as animals on this planet, be it in words, oral tradition, or drawings on the walls of caves, then a form of intertexuality was born. True or not, someone was given the ability to walk in and point at a story you liked or enjoyed and say, “Oh, by the way, that’s incest.”

The same could be said for porn, without a doubt. Once we were able to capture the recreation of the telling of ourselves as sexual beasts, we were able to capture every part of it, real or imagined, including when two people who share a little genetic code start bumping uglies. It happens consensually (and sadly, sometimes not) in real life, maybe not a lot, but more than you’d think, I’m told, and in the idea of fiction, it could probably be used as the ultimate metaphor for closeness.

If I was a much more pervy and skeezy man, I’d say that incest porn is the ultimate depiction of the post-post-post-nuclear family. But I’m not quite there, not yet.

Sadly, I can’t totally tell what’s going on in “Family Fucking 4some,” besides alliteration gone wild, but also because of the language barrier. In this clip, which I believe is Russian, you’re looking at a family (but who really knows) having some shots together, then watching a little porn, and then having an orgy. I think there’s an important lesson here for one and all: You don’t have to be pretty to do the incest thing.

There’s no sound in “Classic Lesbian Sisters have Sex,” but really, there doesn’t need to be. All you need are the words “classic” and “lesbians” in a sentence and life is better, right? Throw in “sisters,” and maybe, just maybe, it’s better than you deserve.

There’s no dialogue in “First Mother And Daughter’s Emotion Part 2” to signify a familial relation, but again, it doesn’t need it. What have you hear is just a lovely clip of an older woman and a young woman enjoying a nice passionate moment together on a love seat. Plus, it goes to show you that you can probably take just about any clip and label it “incest” if you want and you’ll most likely get a few thousand extra hits.

What starts off as an early morning trailer park cuddle up for warmth in “Daddy Fucking Teen In Caravan” turns into what is actually a kind of hot video with a nice little soundtrack. I would love to have this playing the next time I’m involved in some jumping of the bones. This or “Caravan Girl” by Goldfrapp:

I think either would work very, very nicely.

In “Bad Brother Wants Cousin To Do His Fucking Thing,” you start to see the sliding scale of these videos, which I’ll go into more as we continue. Also, I hate the guy in this video. The girl is on the cute side and says repeatedly, “My legs are getting tired,” and he makes her keep going and seems slightly more concerned that the camera (see above) is catching all this (supposed) incestuous hotness. Also, is it me or is the cousins fantasy just a watered down version of the brother/sister fantasy?

And then we get to “Hot Incest,” which to me, is anything but. There’s something kind of sadly abusive about it, but I think there may be a larger point to be made there, of course.

I’d really love to talk to someone who is currently in or was in a mature (of legal age, please) consensual incestuous relationship at some point. These people fascinate me to an extent, but I’ve been left with the impression that these couplings always end badly or leave those involved incredibly depressed. Case in point: “Mom Daughter and Son sweat together.” What an interesting title for such a depressing clip, possibly one of the saddest and most pathetic I’ve ever seen in my life. I really think that the line “My name is Michael” in this, what is destined to be a classic in the erotic cinema of feeling bad, is to become the new “My name is Ishmael.” It’s just so weird and depressing to watch, and yet, I think that it supplies the meta thesis to all of this: It’s a hot fantasy in your head, but beyond that, it’s just so… so… bad.

Some fantasies, some naughty trains of thought are exciting to us because they’re just wrong. Some things we like just because we know, or at least are told, that it’s wrong. We adore the taboo.

But some things are perhaps just better left in the realm of the imagination and own dirty heads.

The Desk Job.

Sin Titulo: Here’s an example of how a typical conversation between Luna and myself goes…

Luna de Miel: Have you ever seen this clip? “Secretary in office gets fuck real.” It’s so intriguing.

Sin: Oh, yes, I certainly have. You know what’s bizarre about you mentioning that just now?

Luna: What?

Sin: I was literally just sitting here thinking about writing a post about that clip. Ha ha. It’s an internet classic as far as I’m concerned. I was just sitting here thinking about what to say.

Luna: It’s a fascinating clip for me. I found some of her other clips – someone in the reviews on fantasti.cc mentioned the name she goes by – but that one just seems so real. And the POV on it is great.

Sin: Wow. I didn’t even know she had others. Good for her. I really like this one. No dialogue, just an intense close up of her face. Like a monologue of facial expressions, and there’s quite a range here. At first it feels like something wrong is happening here, like something horrible is happening to her, and yet, while we should probably be calling for help or rushing in to save her, we’re still watching, you know? We’re still aroused.

Luna: Yes, it’s like the beautiful agony videos! And yeah, when I first saw it, I thought it was more sinister than it is, like rape maybe, but then I really got into it. I really like it.

Sin: Shall we team up for a review of this clip?

Luna: I’m going to have to say yes.

Sin: Nice.

Luna: Hmm. Shall we do a whole post on her facial expressions. Maybe call it ALL OVER YOUR FACE?

Sin: Ha ha, perhaps.

(note to readers: this is an inside joke of ours that would take too long to explain and, we promise you, really isn’t worth it.)

(further editor’s note to our beloved CK readers: ALL OVER YOUR FACE is the new Your Mama! Trust us on that.)

Luna: Even though I know this clip is staged, it feels authentic, like she didn’t know this encounter was being filmed, and the way she is dressed is very real too. Like, you know in pornos when they do “office scenes” and the woman are always dressed somewhat outlandishly in ridiculously tarted up and too small for them suits?

Sin: Oh yes.

Luna: She is dressed in a way that someone who works in a office would dress. It’s not over the top at all. I could kind of see it as maybe the guy had a webcam and set it up so he could film it. I also have some ideas as to why they’re there in the first place.

Sin: You’re very right about her attire. But it’s not just her clothes, but her in general. She looks like a real, normal middle class woman who would have an office job. She’s just perfect and beautiful in how normal she is. And her “acting” is realistic, very down to Earth, not over the top “Oooh, put your dick in my ass, yeah!” kind of stuff.

Luna: Yeah.

Sin: And when you watch it, the first thing that enters your mind is that she’s being forced to do this in some kind of way. Either physically or in a evil boss saying, “Do this or you’re going to lose your job” kind of way. Because of things we’ve seen before, a scenario is immediately suggested in your head when you watch this. And her facial expressions add to that perfectly, that feeling that you’re watching something wrong happen. But you’re watching it, you’re enjoying it and it’s exciting in how complicit you are to this act.

Luna: And she has still has clothes on. That’s a big sign right there, a testament to how real it feels.

Sin: Yeah, and when she stands up at the end for a second and you see that she still was the green sweater on, but nothing below, that’s kind of hot to me. Maybe I have a thing for girls in sweater shirts and nothing else?

Luna: What a surprise, you like girls with no pants on 😛

Sin: Ha ha, yeah. But then he brings his cock to her at the end, like a present or I guess a bonus? Something about it feels like A) your typical porn ending to me, or B) the way people who watch way too much porn and get power fantasies from it think sex should end, thus making you hate this evil boss person even more.

Luna: Oh, that’s very hot. It’s really sex. It’s not a porn ending to me, it feels somewhat realistic. But I think also… her hesitation is part of her turn on, like she’s as much of a player in this game as he is.

Sin: Yeah, they’re both role playing a bit in this power struggle fantasy, if that’s even what’s going on, and there’s probably a hundred different storylines we could concoct for this. But in this struggle for power, you know who wins? Us.

Thanks for joing us, but if you’ll excuse, we’ve got some overtime to put on and then it’s back to the grind. We’ll catch you kids later, at the water cooler perhaps?

Laundry day!

For most people, laundry day is the same day each week, right? For me, it’s Sunday night. It’s the dreaded chore before the dreaded work week starts anew…

Thank God for porn, right?

“Hooray for Laundry Day” sums it all up right there. This is one of the hottest clips I’ve seen on the internet, and I’m just sat the version I’ve found for you here is such low quality. Keep your eye out for a better version of it. It’s hot.

“Holly West Fucked In The Laundry Room” is almost just as hot for me, to be honest. It’s just two good looking people having sex and enjoying themselves and what could be better than that?

“Sex At Laundry Room” is a classic Heather Brooks clip, and if you’ve ever seen one of her videos before, then… well, it’s the same as all of them. Only in a laundry room.

“2 College Girls In Basement Doing Laundry” is a classic for the voyeurs and hidden camera set.

And last, but not least, I give you “Laundry Room Fuck,” a nice little clip about two people just trying to fuck and maybe also shoot some porn, but people keep walking in. Towards the end, the camera can’t help but catch one guy just lingering in the hallway outside the laundry room, watching and stroking his cock as the couple have sex. I guess, in that regard, he’s kind of the proxy for the audience, huh?